Okay i know i am doing bad but i want your opinion plz?

Okay i am 5'10, 20yrs old and i am over weight although i carry my weight well and seem to be fine but i am not fine with myself. I want to lose atleast 60 lbs. I weigh 190 yes i know a shocker. And i was starting a diet but found that i am caving and now i realize that i am becoming bulimic.I know this is bad but whn i do it i feel better and i am seeing results. Is this addictive? Please do not judge me too much bec i am only human and no i am not doing this for anyone but myself bec i want to look the way i want. I want to look slim not buff or big in body and want to attain my goal.